saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
