i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
