You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
