i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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