remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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