Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
