Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
