she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Randomize
