You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
i need some magic done to my vagina
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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