im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
