So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
