Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Randomize
