may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
The uberlube is also flammable
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
