Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
As shirtless as possible
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
