Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
