Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
