it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
