i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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