anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
