I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I'm gonna fight the coyote
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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