You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
