Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
