just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Houston, we have a blender
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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