Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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