He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
