When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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