The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
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