I'm gonna have a badass scar
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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