Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
