I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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