Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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