Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
