Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
