she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
