I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
