She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
