Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
