I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
