Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
