Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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