go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
