Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
