Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
