can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
