just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
