He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
