First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
