There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
