Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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