i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
